I want to talk about how blessed I am but since I know I won’t forget that, I am going to start with the idea of being blessed. Almost any person you ask will tell you that “to be blessed” is a good thing.
Here’s the problem for me. I am so blessed. Every time I think I am at my lowest, God comes back to answer my prayers with an abundance I can’t even fathom. But the Bible tells us that to those who much has been given much will be expected. Well shit, what is going to be expected of me? I will never be able to live up to whatever expectation must accompany the blessing.
Additionally, I feel like in struggling with the things I do I am essentially taking like for granted. If I am taking the greatest gift, my life, for granted, why should I deserve anything. (and that’s a whole theological post we won’t get into right now)
Ok, as I was saying, I am so very blessed. When I cry out to God from the depths of my deepest despair, He hears and answers me with far more than I had asked for. I think we are too quick to say “it can’t get worse”. I am talking life and death rock bottom. (but again a theological discussion)
Today I told my best friend I was struggling to survive the weekend and just get to my appointment tomorrow. She hops in the car and drives over 30 minutes to my house to pick me up and take me out. I had gift cards to get my nails done I had been saving so I suggested that and she was all in.
I never would have gone on my own. I thought about it many times over the last month and how nice it would be. I needed her to say, “ok let’s go” and just take me. No excuses, no turning back, just a much, much needed bestie session over some KILLER nails and self care. WINS all around!
Nothing changed this afternoon. I’m still incredibly anxious about many things, especially treatment tomorrow and just in general moving forward. I still feel very isolated from most people more intellectually than physically. I still know if I had any disease of any body part other than the brain and the world would treat me completely differently.
But, everything changed this afternoon when a friend sat by my side, was there to listen or just to be. Was there to share a few good laughs and vent about the not so good things. A friend said, “I know you are hurting and I want to do something about it. ” and then she did.
This afternoon love was the sweetest Jamocha Shake I have ever had!
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