Yesterday started my last week of twice a week Spravato. The insurance will only approve four weeks, so as of Friday I will be back to weekly. Twice a week has definitely been helping, I just know there is still a long way to go. I am praying that things will continue to improve with weekly treatments.
I have such mixed feelings regarding Spravato. It seems completely selfish to spend two hours doing nothing and then be a little too out of it to be of much use for the rest of the day. I don’t deserve to feel good. I just wanted to feel better, I wasn’t expecting to feel good. I think that’s why I have a hard time answering when my husband asks about treatment. . . I feel guilty because it actually feels good, peaceful, healing. It’s not fair that I get to sit around doing nothing more than applying for jobs and still get to take that break from life while he is busting his ass off and under even more stress than I am, picking up my slack around the house, putting up with my moodiness and irritability, etc, etc, etc. I am just praying that some of the mental improvements will start triggering an improvement in physical motivation and energy and the things that would allow me to be functioning on a daily basis, and that my husband’s patience with me will hold out long enough to get there!
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