It’s 11:24 Friday morning. I have my first Spravato treatment since January 9th today. I should be going weekly. I’m not going to raise my blood pressure by getting into that right now.
Since it’s the first treatment since I started the blog, I thought it would be helpful to further explain what it is. First I will give you the technical run down and then I will give you the actual logistical what happens.
Spravato is a relatively new medication. It was approved for use in March of 2019. It is a medication derived from Ketamine which may sound familiar to you as it has been a popular street drug known as Special K. This is not that. This is a medication derived from ketamine which is completely controlled in terms of content, potency, dosage, etc.
They found out that Spravato, like other anti depressants, works on neurotransmitters in the brain. The difference is which neurotransmitters are targeted. Spravato works with glutamate. (other anti depressants typically target seratonin and dopamine {perhaps this would be a good place to interject that I am NOT a doctor, nurse, medical assistant, or in any way credentialed to talk about anything other than my own experience and what I have found through my own crude research}).
Anyway, the point is that Spravato has an impact on glutamate, which when out of balance can trigger treatment resistant depression among other things.
I had been on a different medication before starting Spravato which also impacts glutamate and it seemed to be moving in the right direction until I ran into problems with insurance and could no longer get it.
My brain is not focusing well at the moment so we are just going to leave the technical side at that. If you have questions, feel free to ask.
So, what does a treatment day look like?
Believe it or not, when I first started treatment I worked 8-1:45 and then got a ride to my 2 o’clock Spravato appointment. I arrived frazzled and rushed. The medication still worked, but I have lerned how to makes it more of a therapeutic experience then just sitting under observation for two hours.
I have a playlist entitled “Treatment”. It has all instrumental and/or specific uplifting religious messages I need to hear music. I start playing it as soon as I get checked in. I get settled in my chair. I have a blanket and pillow that I take with me which helps it feel cozy as well as adding to the routine.
I pull out my rosary and scripture quotes and set them on the table beside me. The nurse comes in and asks me who my ride home is (I’m not allowed to drive the rest of the day when I have Spravato). She takes my blood pressure, checks my pulse-ox, etc. When the doctor comes in she (I usually go Friday’s and then it’s she but I have gone when the other doctor is there and then it’s he) asks about the time since your last treatment. How you are feeling over all. If you feel like things are improving, etc. and discuss where you are at in terms of what they are still hoping to see and what to expect.
After a few minutes, the nurse comes back and opens and holds out one nasal device (it’s a nasal spray but not at all what you would think of). The device has two doses. You self administer one in each nostril and then the nurse discards the device.
I generally try to relax. I turn the music up louder. I don’t really focus on anything in particular. Sometimes I’m jittery and I play on my phone. Sometimes I am thinking about someone in particular and I want to text them in case they needed to know right then.
I always try to let people know when I randomly think of them and feel the need to pray for them or thank God for them because I know God uses us and maybe He needs to get that message to them. Also, I know how much difference a simple “It’s good to see you.” or no words at all, just a smile when your eyes meet that says the same can mean to someone.
Wow did we get off topic. Sorry, didn’t mean to throw you under the bus for following me, I got us off topic.
Anyway, about 5 minutes passes and the nurse comes back and repeats the process with a second nasal device.
By this time, I am starting to feel relaxed. I let the music fill my energy. I start to feel a loss of connection that is so freeing (well, to me, apparently a lot of people find this terrifying, but I have had experience with dissociation before). Anyway, my thoughts become distant so that I can see them pass. It feels as though someone turned off the negative switch in my brain. I don’t hear the running monologues about how I have failed (there’s lots of those, as a mother, a wife, a friend, a person etc. etc. etc.) or how I am not good enough or don’t try hard enough, or what a horrible person I am, or how selfish I am. Okay, sorry, I think you get the picture there.
The point is I feel like it is just me in my mind and all the noise just stops. It is peaceful and spiritual. I know it’s the medication, but then mental feeling is just that God has given me this moment of respite. And knowing that those moments can exist means I am not a hopeless case.
Sometimes I just lay there until it’s time to go, just listening to my music and soaking up that feeling of goodness.
Sometimes I pray or at least sometimes my prayer is deliberate. I like to pray for people who have helped me in some way. Most of them probably don’t even know it. Sometimes I think someone needs to know, hey, God put you on my heart today.
Sometimes I feel pretty much back to normal right away. Sometimes I just feel spacey. Sometimes I feel energized, sometimes I feel drained. Often, I just want someone to be around. I tried setting up to have different people pick me up after treatments and spend time with them after, but let’s just say another remind of what a loser I am.
Anyway, aside from driving there’s no other restrictions and side effects vary in length and intensity.
And that’s about it.
I will actually start getting ready now. Wish me luck!
Leave a Reply